Is there intelligent life on earth?

action item  
An urgent task requiring immediate action—from someone else.

as discussed   
A phrase used to remind someone of a conversation that has never taken place: “You don’t remember? That’s strange. We definitely discussed it.”

assign ownership   
To dump responsibility on someone else as quickly as possible.

at the end of the day   
Never mind what happened during the day. What’s important is that no one got indicted.

bandwidth   
The total amount of brain space in which you can focus simultaneously on the estimated amount of your bonus and just how many Ferrari 599 GTB Fioranos you will be able to buy with it after taxes.

B.A.U.   
“Business as usual,” particularly if your usual business is speaking in acronyms.

best of breed  
The best example found in a particular industry or market—but typically, a dog.

best practices    
Proper processes, checks, and balances; that is, what should be done as opposed to what is actually done.

brain dump    
A modern and elegant way to describe the process of informing another of one’s knowledge on a given topic.

branded   
Pre-DCE (dotcom era), this described the status of a steer after a rancher burned his symbol of ownership into the animal’s backside; now connotes how the public perceives a company’s image. In the company’s mind, though, that poor steer will always be you.

bring to the table    
To offer something of value, perhaps really put it on the table, but never, ever to leave it there.

buy-in   
A last-ditch term to throw into your presentation when management is doing the exact opposite of agreeing or consenting.

C-level   
The designation for those at the top of your organizational chart who get private bathrooms.

circle slash    
A popular graphic design that can be used to negate anything except, alas, the circle slash itself.

communicate    
Four-syllable version of the word say or tell; used when communication is not really the main idea.

core competency   
Depending on your company’s stock price at the time, your shareholders describe this as either your ability to run a company or to play a low-scoring round of golf.

critical path   
The trail from startup to Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers funding to initial public offering to beachside house on Saint Bart’s.

deal flow   
The number of potential deals presented to venture capitalists. The more of these they have, the more readily they can dash your startup dreams.

deck  
A new word used in presentations; also lets your audience know you can afford a boat.

deliverables    
Stuff you owe your customers before they owe you a lawsuit.

dialogue   
A mode of talking in which everyone knows what will be said in advance.

disintermediate    
To eliminate the middleman and thereby put countless people out of work.

dress-down Friday    
The day your boss pulls out a sweater that cost more than your suit.

drink from the fire hose    
To quickly learn all about a topic. The fact that the learner chokes is utterly beside the point.

drink the Kool-Aid   
To parrot the company line; not to be confused with “eat your own dog food,” which seems dumber but may actually be a better idea.

driver    
The key factor in getting something done; what you can afford when you get enough things done.

elevator pitch   
The length of time it takes to pitch someone while traveling in an elevator; for the pitched, however, it can often feel more like a ski-lift story.

empower   
The process by which the powerful dribble out bits of power to the powerless.

fast track   
A type of professional advancement that leads most quickly to divorce and personal despair.

feature creep    
The temptation to keep loading extra features onto a product release until it becomes an absolute mess. This usually happens under the advice of management consultants.

first mover   
A nice epitaph for a company that goes bankrupt for being two years ahead of its time.

go-live   
Used to describe a product’s release date; anticipated with much fanfare, at least by the folks in marketing.

granular   
A level of detail at which I, as a big-picture guy, refuse to become involved.

hard stop  
The much feared point at which everyone must stop talking and start doing.

integrated solution    
A solution that does not ignore the problem it is meant to address; in other words, a solution.

leverage   
The power or influence those with money wield based on their decision whether or not to lend.

low-hanging fruit   
The part of a project your boss completes before handing it over to you.

outside the box   
Ironically, an expression used most often by people who will never understand it.

overhead   
The fixed costs of running a business (such as rent, heat, and electricity) that must be paid, making them very different from your salary.

paradigm shift    
What you want your foot to give the V.P. of marketing when he overuses this term.

performance management   
You can expect this from board members when the value of their options goes down.

ping    
A computer networking term meaning “a quick, pointless query”; has now been popularized to mean an email or text message containing a quick, pointless query.

resource
Traditionally used to describe plants and equipment, but now used to refer to anyone whose job can be done much more cheaply in Bangalore.

rollout 
The introduction of a new product to the market; any similarities to toilet paper are completely coincidental.

secret sauce  
A supersecret, highly classified business process or method; not to be confused special sauce, the term coined by McDonald’s to refer to a combination of mayonnaise, ketchup, relish, and mustard.

take it offline  
The “let’s take this outside” of the business world; often thrown around when people begin to disagree too openly in a large meeting.

team player  
An enthusiastic co-worker who some say can’t get hired anywhere else.

upsell  
To peddle expensive add-ons to an otherwise useful but inexpensive product.